Ill_be_a_stripper (click to enlarge)

Here we see the importance of education — were it not for reading difficulties, our topless bars would be filled with librarians flaunting their Dewey Decimal Systems.

Which brings us to the topic of BLOODRAYNE – a movie based on a bloody video game. Michael Madsen is in it. He is a good actor, but this film doesn’t validate his status.Bloodrayne_05  Billy Zane is also in it. So is Sir Ben Kingsly. They all sound like idiots because, we figured out while watching it, the script contains NO CONTRACTIONS. No "won’t" "can’t" "didn’t" etc. Nope…all "WILL NOT" "CAN NOT" "SHALL NOT" but the rest of the dialog is American 20th century vernacular — a combination resulting in stilted, off-putting intonation and meter.

But more exciting than the stilted dialog is the uplifting costuming. Ben_kingsley2

The best line in the film is when a kid asks Rayne "May I see your t.."  We all thought he was going to say "tits" but he said "teeth"

Give the kid a few years and he’ll make a more rational request.

3 Responses to “BLOODRAYNE”

  1. dave zarkin

    Those three talented actors must have fallen on hard times if they are in dreck like this. Was it direct to DVD? You offer fierce competition to my blog where I wax nostalgic about the early days of UHF TV in Minneapolis.


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