FREE BOOKS:   "When people find out I’m an author, they ask me for a
free book," whispered Burl Barer bombastically while shaking his
forefinger in the face of fate ominously, yet with typical asymmetric
flairs recently removed from the trunk of his car, "and I tell them,
`WHAT?? If I were a butcher, would you ask me to throw you a bon
Barer, best known for his succinct rambling slimmed
down contemporary prose characterized by brevity and a significant lack
of important cumbersome detail, doesn’t own copies of his books. "Tod
Goldberg bought me used copies of two of my literary masterpieces,"
groaned Barer gratefully while gracefully lighting up a flamboyant
Camel, "but those were already grabbed up by people wandering through
the house hinting broadly while winking seductively." 
Taking time
from his action packed schedule of avoiding anything resembling honest
employment, Barer is making up authentic quotes for his latest
true-crime book, MOM SAID KILL.  His fictional character, Jeff
Reynolds, star of the acclaimed remainder HEADLOCK, provides pithy
commentary throughout the book. "My editor asked if I had an official
release from Reynolds so we could use the quotes," said Barer while his
eyes rolled in their sockets like greased ball bearings, "and I assured
her that Mr. Reynolds and I were very close, and his release would be
forthcoming once I set him up with a dowager of my acquaintance in the

2 Responses to “FREE BOOKS”

  1. Danny Barer

    Yes, I can honestly say that I have helped the bottom line of my seemingly dozens of literary relatives by buying their books rather than receiving freebies. The exceptions are few and far between; and I will not mention them publicly, lest they spawn envy and imitative behavior.


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