First of all, I am not a member of any political party, and I refuse to become embroiled in partisan divisionary discourse. Second of all, I found this on the Internet and thought it was funny. So there.
Just a quick 12 rules to bring you up to speed on what you need to believe to be a Republican.
- Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
- Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush’s
daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him,
and a bad guy when Bush needed a “we can’t find Bin Laden” diversion.
- Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but
trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international
- The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our
highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
- A woman can’t be trusted with decisions about her own body, but
multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind
- The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans’ benefits and combat pay.
- If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won’t have sex.
- A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
- Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing
health care to all Americans is socialism. HMOs and insurance companies
have the best interests of the public at heart.
- Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
- A president lying about an extramarital affair is a impeachable
offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which
thousands die is solid defense policy.
- Government should limit itself to the powers named in the
Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the
Well, maybe that isn’t funny.
I did get a kick out of President Clinton bitch slapping that guy of FOX. Best TV since Celebrity Death Match