NOT DEAD YET

My siblings and I share a remarkable trait – we’re not dead.  That’s not bragging, it is simply a statement of fact.  Being alive today is not an accomplishment for which any of we three can take credit.  My sister Janice was “supposed” to be dead more than thirty years ago from a “fatal disease.”  Is there such a thing as dying from a “non-fatal disease?”

My brother Stan has been living on borrowed time at least since High School. He missed the Senior Prom due to blood poisoning. A couple years later at ZBT Fraternity, he was having his morning shave when one of his frat brothers asked him about the “red line” moving towards his neck – a red line not visible to Stan because Stan is color-blind.  Had Stan finished shaving five minutes earlier, and slipped into a long sleeved shirt, nothing would have prevented Lionel Barrymore from completely taking over Bedford Falls.

I had a heart attack on Monday the 23rd of May, and I didn’t die.  The experience did however, make me nervous and hungry.  After a Big Mac and a Camel, I felt much better.

The Dr says I shouldn’t smoke as it causes some sort of constriction of the blood flow.  In Supreme irony, Flow doesn’t know that the boy she loves is a Romeo

The real mystery is this: My son and I were on the shuttle bus to the airport when I had the heart attack. The attack transpired because of blockage in my arteries. The blood could not flow anywhere. There was animal fat where blood was supposed to be.

On the Thursday following the heart attack, I met with a family doctor who asked if the hospital had given me a blood test to see if my heart attack was the result of a cocaine overdose! IS THERE A HISTORY OF PEOPLE BEING GIVEN OVERDOSES OF TOPICAL ANESTHETICS AND/OR STIMULANTS WITHOUT THEIR KNOWLEDGE WHILE RIDING THE SHUTTLE BUS TO THE AIRPORT? IS THIS AN ONGOING INVESTIGATION OF A COMMON PROBLEM?

If so, the airport shuttle should post warning notices: DANGER: FORCED CONSUMPTION OF VASAL CONSTRICTORS TAKES PLACE ON THIS BUS AGAINST YOUR WILL OR KNOWLEDGE. THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION.

7 Responses to “NOT DEAD YET”

  1. Your Beloved Niece Linda

    Dr. Tabuli is SO late. Everyone now knows that heart attacks are caused by EPHEDRA. I don’t know if there is history of people being given drugs on the shuttle bus without their knowledge. But, I’ve had the unfortunate experience of being given bible talk on the shuttle.
    I hope you feel better soon! And, when you do feel better can you please give us the play by play of any pain you felt in your left arm so those of us who are nervous about heart attacks will know what to be paranoid about? =)

    Reply
  2. Susan Balcuns

    Burl,
    I’m sooooo glad you’re still with us!!! After all, who else could I have that fine kind of ummmm……late night type of HBO type of Howard Stern type of “chat” with??!! You gave us ALL a scare!!!!!!!! Bad Boy!!!!
    Love you!
    Suzi

    Reply
  3. Your beloved sister

    Nice new picture. Looks like it might have been taken in your mommie’s Seattle living room.
    Who’s wonderful camera eye grabbed that shot of you and your fake tan?
    I have heard from your friend with cancer – scene almost the same as mine.. went 9 years and then got zapped again. I sent him some tidbits of news I had about battling chemo and I am sure he will beat the big C again.
    Now you get off this blog and go work on your book or go get some much needed rest.
    Sweet dreams and a gold star.
    Jan

    Reply
  4. DonnaMatrix

    Are you SURE you aren’t dead? Some of us sceptics want proof.. ie me

    Reply

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