The first time a bag of Orville Redenbacher popcorn failed to pop, but simply smoked up a giant stink in my apartment, I thought it was a fluke. Nope. It happened again last month, and once more tonight. We're not talking about the popcorn being left in too long so that it burns…nope, it didn't even get a -poppin'. Okay there were maybe three pops, but then it was just this horrid acrid smoke pouring out of the bag, fouling the air, staining the microwave and REALLY REALLY PISSING OFF MY GIRLFRIEND who threw a giant fit from hell.
I would go after Orville, but the old dude is quite dead and he no longer runs the company that makes the product that bears his name. Oh, I know many will asume that the popcorn burnt. No, it didn't. Others will assume that we did something stupid such as hit the "popcorn" button on the microwave. No, we are not so stupid as to press "popcorn" when making popcorn. We followed the directions. Very complex. Yeah, right. In all the years I've been making popcorn of all types, I've never used a product so prone to being a stinking mess as the latest crop of crap with the name Orville Redenbacher on it.
It turns out I'm not alone. Others have had their microwaves ruined, their smoke alarms triggered and their entire place made a stinky eye-stinging nightmare by Orville Redenbacher popcorn. So, heed my warning — forget microwave popcorn with Orville's name on it. Go back to hot air poppers or good old fashioned stove top popcorn.