<<<<<<<< Dangerous Desperados Drink in Blackpool

See the woman over there with one eye going the opposit direction of the other? That’s Donna. The excessively unusual fellow next to her is her boytoy, Russ.  This couple recently caused an uproar in Blackpool when they showed up sober. As anyone familiar with Blackpool knows, anyone in that vacation spa for more than 45 minutes is required to (a) be intoxicated (b) wear a funny hat.

Dragged before the local magistrate, the couple was soundly upbraided for conservative behavior, and ordered to make fools of themselves immediately. As you can see from the photograph, they complied. You may say "OK, Russ is wearing a funny hat, but Donna simply looks as if she is on her way to the Pendleton Roundup." You must understand that she is wearing a cowboy hat and she is Irish, living in Oxfordshire, UK. They don’t even have horses in Ireland yet, and rodeos are not the seasonal event in Oxfordshire. They were finally allowed to leave on the condition that if they ever return to Blackpool, they must start drinking a good one hour before arriving, preferably behind the wheel of a careening vehicle.

Tonight I’m going to the Directors Guild screening of WAR OF THE WOLRDS.  Hopefully, they will have a special feature explaining how Tom Cruise held AUDITIONS for the role of his new girlfriend! Yes, AUDITIONS! "Have you ever played the girlfriend of a movie star previously?" A friend of a friend was one of the starlettes called in to test for the part of Tom’s new love. "Do I have to sleep with him," she asked with trepidation and loathing. "Yes, I’m afraid so," replied her agent "but you put on a fake mustache, use a deep voice, and wear this unique device." 

Meanwhile SpongeBob Squarepants was arrested in Florida for indecent exposure after My Little Pony and Rainbow Brite joined him at an adult XXX Japanese anim screening. Details are not yet inked in, but the first sketchy reports paint a  not-so-pretty picture of our underwater role model waving somthing about resembling a small sea urchin.

2 Responses to “SLOSHED IN THE UK”

  1. Susan Balcuns

    I do believe a Sea Cucumber would be more realistic. They really do exist!!

  2. DonnaMatrix

    I’m afraid its all true, every word of it. Just to avoid any confusion, Russ is the one on my left


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