The Best Sex, the Best Drugs, The Best Porn, The Best Naked Elvis

Thank you. You may now send me a check for $39.95 for learning "The Best Kept Secret in Internet Success." If you want someone to read your blog, watch your video, or ruminate on your socio-political diatribe, give your message a headline that sounds as if someone would actually be interested in it.  Ask someone about the BEST SEX they ever had, and you'll get responses ranging from the absurd to the sublime. I enjoy subtly reminding women (or sometimes men) whom I have never met before that we once had fantastic sex somewhere, sometime — I don't ever actually say that, but I know how to give that "knowing shared experience/secret look"   Actually I only pulled that stunt on a guy once — he was a rather objectionable ego-maniacle blatantly and braggartly homosexual who staunchly maintained the delusion that everyone in the room was entitled to know his personal proclivities. Soooo….I said "Hi, good to see you again" and gave him "that look" — his mental gears began slipping into retro-mode, searching his conquistador data base. "Oh, he blurted out — "under the Aurora bridge last April?"  No. My downcast eyes showed my dispair and being so easily forgotten. "Uhhh… wait…the mens room at the Burger King!"  The more he panicked, the more we all learned of his ill advised anonymous promiscuity. At last I calmly said "I don't believe we've met before…when I first said hello, I mistook you for my cousin's husband."

Women, of course, respond differently. They don't blurt out times and places, their faces merely reflect the angst of not remembering exacty when, how and why we previously met, and did we or did we not sleep together. Naturally, I usualluy only do this with women whom I have never met before in my life.  All it takes to play this game is the statement, "It's so good to meet you" (true statement) and say it with friendly smile that conveys a hint of conspiratorial familiarity.  Just a hint…the light touch, the right touch..just enough that they don't know if they are infering or you are subtly reminding. My favorite "result" of this ruse was a conversation I overheard between the women and her friend on the way to the ladies room: "I'm going crazy! There is a man here that I know, but I don't remember if I went to school with him, worked in the same office as him, or if I fucked him."   "Well," offered her friend, "why dont you ask him?"  "Oh sure…what if he says, oh you gave me head behind the Green Lantern Tavern 15 years ago?"   Her freind started to laugh, stopped dead in her tracks, and asked "Did you?"  
"That's the problem," she wailed as they entered the ladies room, "I don't know!"

I guess 15 years ago whe was on the BEST DRUGS.

The Best Porn is a matter of opinion, and the Best Naked Elvis was pre-GI Blues… not Lower GI Blues.

enough of this nonsense!  Next I'll talk about David Barhoh, Jeff Hawks, Ron Overman and Craig Tarwater.

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