Delighting in my nephew Lee Goldberg's announcement that his latest collaboration with Janet Evanovich is available for advance order, I shared this information with someone who asked, "Obviously, Lee Goldberg and you share some super secret proven method for success — one you have shared with Tod Goldberg, and other select relatives — or is it because Jews control the publishing industry, and as they are the only literate people left, they buy all your books? "
Resisting the temptation to answer, "yes, the secret is eating pork on Passover. We discovered that whule ghost writing the Secrets of the Elders of Zion," I marveled at another example of the cross polination of cultural stupidity and borderline anti-semitic disorder.
Okay, here is what you need to replicate Lee Goldberg's success:
A KAYPRO portable computer with two 5 1/2" floppy drives. It has a really cool metal case, and only weighs as much as a Volkswagen. It was on this magic talent-crammed device that Lee wrote his thrill packed sex and violence paperback classics in his .357 Vigilante series.
His first published action novels came to life on the monochrome screen of this Kaypro. Today, he continues the tradition of writing vastly entertaining novels — but I assure you, the KAYPRO is the real hero.
It was on this device that I wrote my first published work. Lee and I rented a fishing cabin at Loon Lake, Washington. He brought his Kaypro, I brought my Franklin Ace 1200. We set up the computers on the dining room table, and established a very effective regimen. Writing, Eating, Fishing. You can odd "noshing" as a sub-set of "eatng." You can also break down "fishing" into still fishing or trolling.
But here is the REAL SUPER SECRET OF SUCCESS..
Once the hook is set, we reel you in by tension, expectaton and consistency- keeping that pressure on the line, knowing when to speed up and when to slow down until you dance across the serulian blue, slapping your tail in wild rhythm, leaping and dancing in an exciting adventure that could go any way at any moment.
And then we nosh.