WAL-MART JOKE

I may be a story teller, not not a joke-teller. I seldom remember jokes, and those I do recall are best not shared in mixed company. My question for today is, "Who writes the Jokes that people send via email?"   I recently received the following joke — it is well structured, and has all the indications of being crafted by a trained joke writer — via email. The original author is not credited, nor is he/she receiving royalties. Which brings us to the next questionL "Is joke downloading the same as music downloading?"  Will I be arrested and run the risk of prosecution for downloading elements of humor and not paying for them? What about p2p joke file sharing? If the joke was written post 1900, it is probably picaresque plundering to pool our humor resources.  What is a law abiding citizen to do?

ONE DAY, IN LINE AT THE COMPANY CAFETERIA. JOE SAYS TO MIKE BEHIND  HIM, "MY ELBOW HURTS LIKE HELL GUESS I HAD BETTER SEE A DOCTOR"

"LISTEN, YOU DON’T HAVE TO SPEND THAT KIND OF MONEY" MIKE REPLIES.   "THERE’S A DIAGNOSTIC COMPUTER DOWN AT WAL-MART. JUST GIVE IT A URINE sMPLE AND THE COMPUTER WILL TELL YOU WHAT’S WRONG, AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT IT TAKES TEN SECONDS AND COSTS TEN DOLLARS…..A LOT CHEAPER THAN A DOCTOR."

JOE BRINGS A URINE SAMPLE TO WAL MART, FINDS THE DIAGNOSTIC COMPUER, DEPOSITS TEN DOLLARS AND POURS THE SAMPLE INTO THE SLOT.

TEN SECONDS LATER, THE COMPUTER EJECTS A PRINTOUT:
"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart"

THAT EVENING, JOE BEGAN TO WONDER IF THE COMPUTER COULD BE FOOLED. HE MIXED SOME TAP WATER, A STOOL SAMPLE FROM HIS DOG, URINE SAMPLES FROM HIS WIFE AND  DAUGHTER, AND A SPERM SAMPLE FROM HIMSELF FOR GOOD MEASURE.

JOE HURRIED BACK TO  WAL-MART, EAGER TO CHECK THE RESULTS. HE DEPOSITED TEN DOLLARS, POURED IN HIS CONCOCTION, AND AWAITED THE RESULTS. THE COMPUTER PRINTED THE FOLLOWING:

1. Your tap water is too hard. get a water softener (aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo (aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins – they aren’t yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don’t stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get
better.
Thank You for Shopping @ Wal-Mart

Now, I don’t know who wrote that joke, nor do I know how much money you owe for reading it. You may owe more if you laughed, a bit less if you chuckled, etc. In any event, perhaps the best way to avoid difficulty in this matter is to make a donation to my "Laughing all the way to the Bank" fund via PayPal.  Just go to http://www.paypal.com and make a donation to BARER COMMUNICATIONS. Memo it: "Joke"

4 Responses to “WAL-MART JOKE”

  1. Susan Balcuns

    Hey!!
    I think I sent you that joke! I know it was me!!!!!!!!!! Can I get half of the royalties?????? Come on!! Fair’s fair in love and war!!!!!!!!!! O.K. 60/40!! But that’s as low as I go….Well…maybe if you beg and plead……
    Your bestest friend
    Suzi
    X you X Isis

    Reply
  2. Burl Barer

    Yes, Suzi, you sent the joke. Today I got a phone call and the person(female) didn’t identify who they were — I was supposed to be able to tell by the voice. I broke down and said “Who is this?” and she lied and said “Suzi!” It was several minutes befoe she admitted her name wasn’t suzi, that she just pulled that name out of the air, and apologized. It’s a good thing I was on my best behavior, and didn’t make any references to the Wal-Mart Joke, walks on the beach, or anything else that could enrage her!

    Reply
  3. Burl Barer

    Yes, Suzi, you sent the joke. Today I got a phone call and the person(female) didn’t identify who they were — I was supposed to be able to tell by the voice. I broke down and said “Who is this?” and she lied and said “Suzi!” It was several minutes befoe she admitted her name wasn’t suzi, that she just pulled that name out of the air, and apologized. It’s a good thing I was on my best behavior, and didn’t make any references to the Wal-Mart Joke, walks on the beach, or anything else that could enrage her!

    Reply
  4. Susan Balcuns

    I just read this!!! You’ve GOT to be kidding me!!!! You have a stalker!!! LOL!! Did you ever find out who it was? Pulling the name Suzi out of thin air seems remote to me! She obviously knows you…She reads your Blog…. Thank God you were a good boy vocally!!!
    Later
    Suzi
    XX

    Reply

Leave a Reply

  • (will not be published)

XHTML: You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>